[War] France: Grumpy Tidings

[Daniel Garcia]

"France:  Grumpy Tidings"
President Zoé Ampère, French Republic
March 18th, 2013

(OOC:  A few notes.  Firstly, I noticed that the timeline is only up  
to Mar 17 - Mar 31, 2013, which I took to be the time period of the  
previous posts, not the current ones.  Thus my last post is wrongly  
dayed, and should be March 17th, 2013, and not April 1st, 2013.  On a  
side note, I also see that we went from World Report Volume 2 to  
World Report Volume 4.  Reminds me of Monty Python and the Search for  
the Holy Grail, "1, 2, 5!" "Three, sir." "3!"  :)  And secondly, this  
post has no actions, but is pure fluff inspired by the current bout  
of grumpiness in the international community...)

"So let me get this straight," Zoé stated as though she were ready to  
break something.

"Okay," said Alain Vauban, the Minister of Foreign Affairs.  Zoé's  
chief political advisor, Johann Arrau, sat there, investigating his  
hands while the President of the French Republic expressed a bit of  
incredulity and let off some stress.  Zoé began pacing.

"So the Beijing Conference ends, there is some agreement on economic  
issues and cooperation, some murmurs of increased military  
collaboration, and a little bit of talk about the North Korean  
issues.  Nothing too spectacular.  Certainly the progress on the  
North Korean issues was minute, and not affecting China's grip and  
near total control over the fate of that country.  But I don't think  
anyone was realistically expecting much more.  Indeed, the fact that  
the Japanese are being allowed in is more than I was expecting."

Zoé stopped, and turned to the pair sitting at the table.  Vauban was  
stoic, while Johann was showing the beginnings of a grin which could  
very well give birth to a belly laugh at any moment.  Zoé ignored  
both men's responses.

"Am I right so far," she asked.  Vauban nodded, and Zoé began  
speaking and pacing again, somewhat frenetically this time.

"So, nothing big.  We use the specter of an East Asian economic  
community to push our own agenda within the Union, try to rattle a  
few chains to get some action.  Nothing any Western politician  
doesn't do as a matter of course.  And it's all no big deal."

Zoé stopped here briefly, and inhaled.  Johann began to grin widely  
at this, and sat back to enjoy President Ampère's outburst.  Zoé  
continued, beginning to gesture with her arms.

"Then, the United States of America, in all it's infinite wisdom, in  
a cunning and devious move of diplomacy which will certainly make  
Beijing reconsider its course in North Korea and endear themselves to  
the Japanese government at a moment when Japan and China have begun  
to enter into a closer relationship which the United States might  
find useful in influencing China, now a best friend once removed,  
practically tells the Japanese that they are idiots who either don't  
know what their doing or have no concern for the status of North  
Korea and the threat that that nation has and could in the future  
pose to its own security and the security of the region.  After all,  
it's best to be honest in diplomacy and try to make allies feel like  
they are idiots!"

Zoé was gesturing energetically now, and more than once almost  
knocked something over.  She also bumped her shin into a piece of  
furniture.  This did not slow down either her speech or her pacing or  
gesturing in the least.  And still she continued.

"Then the Japanese, feeling hurt and yet infected by the same desire,  
nay, need to cause friction in the Pacific alliance that has  
seemingly possessed the Americans, complain that the United States  
has offered no support to her East Asian allies, leaving them with no  
choice but to absolutely jump into the arms of the Chinese government  
and abandon a half-century of good relations with America.  I suppose  
they're also ready to go kowtowing to Beijing in severe regret for  
all the Chinese people they killed in and before the Second World  
War, which they have to date absolutely refused to do."

"And," Zoé exclaimed, thrusting an arm into the air as if to accuse  
the heavens of a great injustice, apparently coming to the climax of  
her great venting, to the anticipation of Johann and the continued  
stoicism of Vauban.  "And, to top it all off, the one party to all  
this which has managed to keep their cool and act intelligently is,  
of course, China, using what must assuredly be a diplomatically  
embarrassing episode and distraction between the United States and  
Japan to good effect, embarks on a massive diplomatic tour of the mid- 
range powers of the world, not only shifting the focus of diplomatic  
discourse away from North Korea, a subject which has potential to be  
most troublesome for them, to a subject which makes them look good,  
but also demonstrating a diplomatic finesse that the Most Powerful  
Country In The World apparently lacks at the moment.  You would think  
that either President Williams or Prime Minister Sato, being elected  
officials of large, stable democracies with difficult, complicated  
political landscapes, would know, understand, and have perfected the  
ability to stay on message.  But no, they decide to change to subject  
and attack each other - close allies and all! - while the proper  
focus of their attention runs to the candy store while it should be  
having a time out!"

"Damn it all," Zoé yelled, finishing her diatribe, "and the Americans  
think that French people do odd things!"

Johann began laughing at the end of this last statement, and only  
slightly at the limited humorous content therein.  Though Zoé never  
acted this way in front of anyone but her closest friends and allies,  
it was something which had first concerned Johann, as her chief  
political advisor.  But, when he learned that Zoé could be trusted to  
keep such outbursts private and that they helped her relieve her  
stress and anxiety, Johann relaxed and began to enjoy the diatribes.   
By this point, he found them just short of hilarious.  It didn't hurt  
that they also gave him a peek at her honest thoughts on a matter.   
More than once, he had advised her to change strategy after an outburst.

Zoé sat down, and sprawled out somewhat on a couch, appearing  
somewhat miffed at Johann's laughter, though in reality it made her  
feel better.  She looked to Vauban, still sitting stoically.  Yet, it  
was Vauban who was first to speak.

"Well, I suppose the diplomatic news is somewhat full of grumpy  
tidings today," he said in a deep, serious voice.

"Enough to make our President a bit grumpy," Johann said, standing to  
get her a glass of water.

"Well, at least I don't show it publicly," Zoé grumped.

"Only privately, then," Johann said, poking fun at the President one  
more time.  Vauban stepped in.

"Should we act?  Perhaps consult privately with the Americans and  
Japanese," he suggested.  Zoé shook her head.

"No, not yet.  Hopefully this nonsense will pass.  If it looks like  
there's been a significant rift in US-Japanese relations, then  
perhaps we would step in and remind them that they have more to loose  
by splitting than by cooperating.  But I imagine that good sense will  
prevail all on its own in this case, without any outside  
intervention.  After all, they've been allies for a long time now,"  
Zoé reasoned.  The two men in the room wondered how much credence the  
President gave her own logic.  Vauban then stood to leave.

"If you'll excuse me, Madam President, there are issues I need to  
attend to," Vauban said properly.  Zoé nodded, walking him to the  
door.  When she returned, Johann was investigating his glass of water.

"You should really keep some good liquor in here," Johann suggested.   
Zoé didn't drink unless absolutely necessary, and with good reason.

"What, so that you can entertain me next time," Zoé said, winning  
points back from her advisor.  Johann smiled.

"Perhaps," Johann said.  Zoé looked at the time, and suddenly  
realized it was late.

"I think I should get some sleep," she said.  Then, "After all,  
perhaps tomorrow either the world or I will be less grumpy.  That  
would be nice."


ACTIONS:

1)  None.  Just character development-ish stuff.